The Risk of Raising Safe Children
We normally imagine young children running after butterflies, picking up a worm, stopping to watch a spider spin its web in a bush, or chasing after a squirrel scampering across the grass. Yet I cannot help noticing how often children today recoil in terror at the sight of an insect or a spider.
Perhaps part of the reason is that they simply do not encounter these little creatures as often as children once did. Our homes, schools and playgrounds are cleaner, more controlled and increasingly removed from the untidiness of the natural world. Are children becoming afraid of creepy-crawlies simply because they have had so little opportunity to become familiar with them?
Or could imagination play a role? The monsters of children's stories have always been frightening, but today's fictional creatures can be extraordinarily vivid. Beetles become enormous, spiders become deadly predators and strange creatures devour everything in their path. With increasingly realistic digital imagery, the line between fantasy and reality may not always be quite so clear to a young child.
Perhaps, then, it is not the tiny spider itself that frightens the child, but everything the child's imagination has learned to associate with it.
And it raises a larger question: if we increasingly protect children from the unfamiliar, the uncomfortable and the unpredictable, are we also taking away opportunities for them to learn how to manage fear and assess risk for themselves?
I recently read about a study involving nine-month-old babies who showed little apparent fear when they were placed near boa constrictors. The researchers suggested that, except for certain instinctive responses to genuine danger, many of our fears are learned. A young child often looks to the trusted adult nearby to decide how to react. A parent's gasp, anxious expression or hurried "Be careful!" can send a powerful message: This is something I should be afraid of.
Healthy, age-appropriate risk-taking is an essential part of childhood. Through unstructured play—particularly play that is not constantly directed and protected by adults—children develop coordination and muscle strength and become more aware of their bodies and their physical capabilities. Dodging an insect, scrambling over a rock, balancing on a log or jumping from a small height requires the brain and body to work together, sharpening balance, agility and coordination.
Taking small risks also provides some of childhood's earliest lessons in resilience. Scraped knees, small tumbles and failed attempts teach children how to take disappointment and discomfort in their stride, get up and try again. Testing their limits builds confidence because each small risk conquered tells them something important about themselves: I did it. I can do more than I thought I could.
There is also a great deal of problem-solving involved in risky play. Faced with a challenging situation, children have to assess it, make decisions and find their way around obstacles. Is that top branch just a little too high? Is there another branch I can use as a foothold? Can I get down again if I climb up there? They learn to estimate distance, height and their own abilities—and sometimes discover, quite wisely, that the best decision is not to take the risk.
That, perhaps, is one of the most important lessons of all. We do not want children who are fearless. We want children who learn how to judge risk.
When children have regular opportunities to do this, unfamiliar situations can become less intimidating. They discover that they can feel uncertain or afraid, assess what lies ahead, manage those emotions and decide what to do next. And when they succeed, the experience becomes something to recount proudly to their friends and their horrified parents: Guess what I did!
These seemingly insignificant childhood adventures are rehearsals for life. The risks will change as children grow older, but the process will remain remarkably similar: assess the situation, weigh the consequences, make a decision and live with the outcome.
Perhaps the child allowed to take small, manageable risks today is learning how to become the capable, confident adult who is willing to take calculated risks tomorrow.
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